Change

"Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”-Keri Russell

Change, it can hurt you, lift you, and confuse you. Last Friday I had to deal with a decision that would change my life, no matter how small of a change it caused. My friends whom I thought of as family decided they didn't like how I was acting, and instead of coming to talk to me they proceeded to make me feel left out of the group. After venting to my mother about how I felt, she made me call them and ask them what was going on. That phone call nearly tore my heart out. After crying for who knows how long, I realized that whenever someone had a problem with someone else in the group they would get everyone to gang up on that person. I never realized it until I was the person being ganged up on. I remember the pessimistic voice inside me saying "Why do you want to be friends with them, if they act like that?" I waited for the optimistic voice to say something or at least give me something to say but, there was nothing. I couldn't think of an answer to that other than I don't. I had to make a decision. Stay friends with them and not be treated like a human being deserves, or cut off from them and risk not being able to find anyone else to be friends with. I know it sounds shallow but when you're in middle school things are way more drastic than they need to be. I'll admit I thought I loved them so much that on Friday I wanted to end my life, but my mother asked me what they did to make me happy so much that losing them would ruin my life. I couldn't come up with a good enough answer. I thought I needed them.
Tuesday at lunch I didn't make any contact with them. Two girls I used to be friends with walked the track with me, I had forgotten how nice and funny they were. I sat with them at lunch and the group of friends they had were nicer and didnt say as many crude words as my old friends. Other people asked if I would like to sit with them. Basically I learned that change can be good and I realized I wanted to end my life because some kids ganged up on me.
"Never fix a temporary problem with a permanent solution."-John Hallegan